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JeremyJ

My fiance and I have a reoccurring fight every time I bring up going to a friend's place. My friends are both very nice, clean cut guys, they don't do drugs, one has three bachelors degrees. The most recent fight we had was just a moment ago, and my cellphone died, so I could not continue the conversation. One of my best friends just arrived back from Afghanistan two days ago. He just bought a house and is having a welcome home party. (He is not in the armed services, but works for a military contractor.) His party is tomorrow, and this whole week, we've both agreed that she would go hang out with her friends, I would hang out with mine, only I must be home at a certain time (around an hour, possibly two after I LEAVE). She claims that I have to be home because we don't spend enough time together.I can honestly say that we spend every minute of our time together when I am not working. I have not been away from my fiance outside of work in approximately 5 months. Five months ago, my best friend from high school and our mutual friend were getting together for some beers and a card game. We had the same arguement, that I am some how neglecting the relationship because I chose to spend one day hanging out with my friends.I should also mention that my fiance can spend all day with her friends and does so from one to sometimes three days a week. She could every day of the week while I worked, I would have no problem with that at all, and wouldn't even if it was an overnight thing. I tell her every time to have fun and call if she needs me. However, when I bring this up because I want to welcome my friend into his new home after not seeing him for months, she says, "That's manipulation! You're manipulating the situation." Am I in the wrong here, and please be honest!I'm a 24 year old male who works from 4:30 PM to 1:00 AM pretty much by force. This will change in August thankfully. Please tell me, is it wrong for me to spend a couple of hours of one day with a friend? According to her, this act is not 'validating her feelings' and, moreover she claims that she obviously 'is more invested in the relationship.'RE:Swirl Girl - I just spoke to her about why she feels uncomfortable, and she says that she feels like we don't spend enough time together. I really don't know what else she expects of me. I stay up late with her at night and snuggle with her for sometimes three hours every morning. I should not that it's now hanging out with friends now and then, it's hanging out with my friends once every three or four months. She states that she hangs out with her friends because she doesn't have a choice, because otherwise she would be sitting at the apartment doing nothing. When I challenged her to stay away from her friends for four months, as she is asking me to do, she says that she hasn't seen her best friend in four years. And I tell her, I would NEVER tell her not to see her, even if I hadn't seen my fiance in a month. She comes back with, then you must not miss me more than I miss you. WTF? I just want you to be happy is more like it.

Mythoughts

You are not in the wrong. If anyone is being manipulative, it is her.People prefer different amounts of 'together time'. Some couples are joined at the hip and want it that way. Other couples meet in the hallway between commitments and want it that way.The two of you have a major disconnect on what is the *right* amount of together time. Obviously, she wants/needs the quantity to be much more than you want/need.I don't have the answer for you but this is something significant in your relationship. The two of you need to sort this out otherwise resentment will build between the two of you.

SwirlGirl

Your fiance sounds immature and insecure. Have you spoken to her about why exactly she feels so uncomfortable with you having time with your friends every now and then? This is an issue you need to deal with more now, before you get married -- and certainly before you even think about having a family or taking on more obligations. Good luck.

MM2826

Nope: unless there are some highly critical details you're leaving out or misrepresenting, I don't see any "manipulation" on your part. Hers, on the other hand...If your relationship is in such a precarious state that this one party is enough to prove you don't give a damn about the relationship, you'd think she'd show equal concern about addressing the other issues that have led her to feel this way. The fact it only seems to be coming up on the rare occasions you want to spend time with your friends should make you suspicious.Next time she starts in about not feeling "validated," stand your ground. Get her talking in specifics. Ask what you can do to make her feel like she's not pulling all the weight every day so that you don't have to give up the occasional guy's day out. If she continues to evade or accuse, instead of trying to work with you, then beware: this isn't going to get better after you're married.

MissE

What she is doing is monopolizing your and using emotional blackmail. With her attitude she is isolating your from your friends. It comes across as if she has a very controlling streak. It would worry me a lot. Isolation from friends is usually the first step to emotional abuse. Often unnoticed even by the abuser as they do not see it as such.If she is that difficult about it then ask her to come with you to your friends place. It seems she does not trust you on your own.My husband sees his friends on his own. Not often but regularly, as I do with my friends. We spend also spend a lot of time together, and he has a work schedule that takes him away weeks at a time on occasion.Guytime is important though, just as girltime is for girls. If she does not want to see that then theissue is hers, not yours. Ask her if she wants you to give up your frirndships for her. If the answer is yes, then run as she tries to control you.

TotalRecipeHound

She is insecure and controlling. When she is not with her friends, she wants to monopolize ALL your time. Do you really want to continue a relationship with someone who is so immature? She is a game player and you are a fool if you don't wake up to that.